The last couple of days have been a little rough as I started a new protocol. I am now on the following:
400mg of Doxycycline
500mg of Biaxin that will increase to 1000mg/day next week
200mg of Plaquinil that will increase to 500mg/day next week
I am also taking enzymes and doing a chelation therapy.
Why? Because I am so done with this disease and have decided to treat it more aggressively. Unfortunately, that means my husband and children are going to suffer the consequences of having a tired and woozy wife and mother. Rylan experienced the wrath of his very tired and cranky mother this morning when I dropped him off at soccer camp. It was raining today, so we all met inside the middle school. Rylan would not leave my side and refused to play any of the games the other kids were playing while we waited for the gym to open. I was becoming more and more impatient with him and then he took my hand and quietly said, “come here, mommy. I’m scared. This is a really big building and there are lots of people here that I don’t know”. Normally, I would have kneeled down and talked him through this by telling him to be brave and to show me his “mean face”. But today, I was tired. I had been up since 4am with Rylan because he is still unable to sleep through the night without waking up, too afraid of the dark. So, today I was not very happy that Rylan kept me up and I was now furious that I was unable to just drop him off with the rest of the kids without him clinging on to me. And so, I threatened to leave if he didn’t stay and he begged me to stay so that he could play soccer and this continued until I finally decided to leave Rylan with his head hung low. I got in the car and drove away feeling like the worst mother in the world and started to cry. As you probably noticed, I spend a lot of time crying in my car! I thought about the way he was standing when I left him and wished that I had helped him overcome his fears this morning. I also wondered if I would have handled things differently if I just for once felt “well” and that I wasn’t on all of these antibiotics. And then I stopped myself. I can’t let this take over me. Just apologize to Rylan and get to the gym. That will make you feel better.
At noon, I picked Rylan up and gave him the biggest hug and said that I was sorry and he said, “for what, mommy?!” ”For leaving you today, sweetie”. ”Oh, that’s okay, mommy. I’m fine”. Well, OK then! Let’s go to the gym!
So, this is what I did today:
Lyme’s got nothin’ on me today!
And, I feel so much better!