It’s been a little over a year now since my Lyme diagnosis…
…and I am still sick.
This past week has been awful. It started on Monday when I was in my yoga class. My legs started to shake and felt too weak to move. I quietly left early and walked home, thinking that maybe I needed some rest. That night, my legs felt even weaker and I felt completely exhausted and confused. I took my antibiotics after dinner and soon after I found it very hard to breath and slowly all of the horrible symptoms I felt a year ago showed up. First the air hunger, then the buzzing sensation in my head and all throughout my body, my neck started to hurt and felt really stiff, the feeling of ants crawling through my body and up my neck returned, the muscle spasms returned and the worst feeling of panic came over me and kept me from being able to fall asleep. I was on the Biaxin and Plaquinil, along with the Doxycycline for two weeks and wondered if this was a really bad herx reaction or re-infection or an allergic reaction to the new antibiotics. I was also on the Biaxin and Plaquinil in the beginning of my treatment and never felt like I was getting better until I switched to Doxycycline and then IV Rocephin. I then switched to Doxycycline and Cefdinir and felt even better. Why the sudden decline???
On Tuesday morning, I felt worse and decided to stop taking the Biaxin and Plaquinil and stay on the Doxycycline and my doctor ordered a new prescription of Zithromax (which I have not taken yet).
It is now Friday and all I can think about is how am I ever going to get better and will I ever get rid of this? Rylan got mad at me today because I couldn’t run with him to soccer this week, as we always do. Each step this week has been exhausting and I feel like I’m out of breath. I can no longer stand up without feeling so dizzy that I’m about to pass out. What is happening to me? I’m back to feeling scared and worried about my children living without their mother and whether or not my husband will be able to tolerate another month of me being very sick again. I’ve tried to explain to a few of my friends about how I feel but I just don’t think anyone understands what this feels like. I know that I looked perfectly healthy, carting the kids around all week, but I honestly feel like I am walking around in a 90 year old women’s body. I have told a few people how I felt but I couldn’t possibly list all of the symptoms that I have without sounding like a complete nut!
Here are my list of symptoms:
Air Hunger - Scary. I hate this feeling.
Heart Palpitations - Also scary. My heart actually skips and slows down and speeds up throughout the day.
Swollen Lymph Nodes
Extreme Anxiety and Panic Attacks – Even the Lorazepam is not working.
Pressure Headaches – Feels like my brain is swollen and pulsing inside my head. Sorry for the weird description, but it is the worst feeling!
Brain Fog – I walk around feeling confused, out of it, slow, lost
Fatigue (I am physically exhausted all day) and quickly out of breath after a few steps
Buzzing sensations throughout my body
I can feel drilling in my tissues and muscles – I know, weird.
Flu – Like Symptoms – Achy, chills, no fever
Weakness in my limbs
Constant feeling of swaying back and forth
Hearing loss that comes and goes
I am back where I started and this is very depressing and frightening for me. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I thought I had suffered and was done with the worst part of my recovery. I really hope this will go way soon. I honestly do not have it in me to go through this battle again. August, September, October and November of 2011 were the worst months for me. I was so sick then and can remember crying and begging for all of it to go away.
I’m really going to try to be positive and get through this. I’m so thankful for my LLNP who is located just 20 minutes from my home…and for my family. I just wish I could be healthy for them.